Spring Nicht
by crystaltears483
Summary: A song fic without the lyrics, i tried to make it into a story song fic. i wrote this late at night when i wasn't feeling so good, enjoy my Tokio Hotel fiction, song- Spring Nicht


_**Spring Nicht**_

_**A song fiction**_

I moved towards the edge and climbed onto the ledge; I watched the city with tears in my eyes. The flickering lights gleamed and shone with such brilliance and pride. I stared into the gloomy black sky until I couldn't bear to see it and I tore my eyes from it, I studied the buildings around me. I felt the cold wind on my face but I didn't care, cold was something I treasured; I loved to be able to feel at all. Any feeling would have destroyed me, I glanced down to the sidewalk; a tear escaped my eye.

I walked down the dark alleyway, I was numb on the inside; I felt nothing but the bitter cold wind as it stung my cheeks. I glanced over to a homeless person who, as he slept, was robbed of his shoes. How could the world be so cruel; was there any worth in living? I turned away from the horrid sight and continued walking.

As I left the darkness of the alley I saw police cars and a group of people gathered at the bottom of a large building. I looked up; what met my gaze was worse than anything my eyes have ever seen before. Fear gripped me as I saw myself standing on the ledge at the very top; I was gazing out, seeing nothing, feeling nothing.

Then everything around me just vanished and all I could see was myself, standing, on a ledge, crying. I saw several tears fall and splash into a small puddle. My feet jerked me forward; all that mattered was getting to the top and stop myself from plunging into the dark void.

I bumped into a person and I broke the yellow caution tape as I ran; my eyes forever fixated on the dark figure that was me.

I paused; the dark figure on the roof, he was watching me mow. I could feel my own eyes blistering holes in my skin. I stood there; I watched myself. A tear fell; and the sound of it splashing into the puddle echoed in my ears.

I watched a man, but from way up here everything just seemed muddled; but from what I could see, the man; he looked like me. Another tear fell. The numbing cold was comforting now; it would halt the pain when I took that one fatal step. The step that would end my life and the one step that would free me.

I glanced down again, I saw the flashing police lights and worried people all pointing up. I wondered; what made them so strong? How could they bare to continue living? Why was it easy for them?

I looked up at the sky again; but why, why did I look up. What could have made me do this? I couldn't remember; it made no sense. I felt drained and empty; why was I stalling, why was I postponing my freedom?

I thought about my end, I knew how I was going to meet it. I knew when I was going to finally taste freedom from the pains of this world.

I ran, my legs felt like they weighed a hundred pounds; I ran on past a group of men shouting; fighting. The only thing that mattered was the speed; would I get there in time?

I ran up the flight of stairs; my heart sounded like a war drum, pounding louder and louder. The stinging cold bit into my skin but I ignored it; I had to make it, I just had to. I had to stop myself from destroying me; I needed to find a way to live through it.

I faltered; my breath came in ragged gasps and pants now. I held the railing and took a breath; my legs were burning and searing with pain. Protesting, my legs wanted me to give up; I rejected the idea and forced myself to once more take flight. I ran up the ever growing staircase with vigor I never knew I had.

I saw my breath cloud at my lips as the temperature decreased; the city seemed so far off as sounds melded together. I watched the people below me; they stared back. An endless stream of tears fell from my eyes and I knew they saw them; it was a bitter salty rain that seemed to have no end. Cold, dark; what am I waiting for, a sign? Do I need a sign that says go; I know what I'm going to do, why can't I just do it?

My mind was confused but I stayed my ground; I was certain, I was ready.

The stairs slowed my already heavy feet as I ran; up. The only word that rang in my ears was: faster. I tried to comply with that desire but my feet ignored my demand. Up, around and around the cold metal stairs; they had to end. Did they end? Would I reach myself in time? No. this is not the time for doubts; run; you can do it. Fight to live, fight to keep myself from taking the plunge.

I wondered why these people cared so much; why did they stand there, why did they do nothing? The blue and red lights of the police cars flickered and illuminated the crowd. I gazed out over the city still feeling the icy grip of death holding my feet in place. The lights, almost invited me to jump. They were warm; I stared, feeling an odd sense of peace in my mind as I began to say my goodbyes. In only a moment or two I would end it. I would be free.

I saw the end of the stairs and I almost allowed myself to smile and rejoice; but then I remembered why I'd come here. I pushed open the metal door and ran through; the rusty screeching noise had to have gotten my attention. I ran; my eyes glanced around. There, on the ledge, was myself. I looked dreadful; I looked as though there really was nothing left here for me. My feet kept running but I wondered if I should stop myself; should I keep myself from jumping if there was only going to be suffering and pain. Was living all that worth it if it were filled with agony?

My feet ran on; this was taking forever, the world seemed to have changed to slow motion. I saw myself; I watched; my feet splashed in puddles from the recent rain. Cold; mind numbing cold. The temperature had dropped even more.

I heard footsteps behind me; they were slowing down. I turned to see my own eyes stare back. I stopped running and gazed into my eyes; he seemed to be telling me something. His eyes beheld love and pain; was I hurting him; was I hurting myself? I turned away from my piercing eyes; I watched the sky again. I knew he was watching me; taking in my every movement.

I spoke; only it wasn't me, it was my other. His voice rang out and echoed in my head. His words pained me; and I knew they were true.

"Ich schrei in die Nacht für Dich."Ich schrei in die Nacht fur Dich  
lass mich nicht im StichIch schrei in die Nacht fur Dich  
lass mich nicht im Stich

I answered him. "Spring nicht."

I saw myself jump down from the ledge and back onto the roof; I looked at myself. I stared to walk away. I turned to see myself vanish from my sight into darkness. I'm strong.

I saw myself walk away from the ledge to which I still stood; I turned around to see myself looking back to where I'd vanished. My figure disappeared from my sight; I was alone. I took a backward step to get closer to the edge; then I took a breath, the cold stung my lungs. I leaned back and watched my whole world fall. I may be strong; but I still fell.

I opened my eyes; my feet were still on the ledge; and I was still frozen, lost in myself. I gazed out in the distance; should I jump?

_**~Der Ende~**_


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